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Business Phrases — Funny

>Business Phrases — Funny

It has been suggested that some of our staff members are not using proper terminology when dealing with other Departments. To help them "get with it", we present you a glossary of BUREAUCRATIC DEFINITIONS.

Words are tools of communication. Unfortunately, words often have different meanings for different people. Here are some humorous examples, of how a specific Slang is used.


 Business Terms 
What They Say What They Mean
ClarificationTo fill in the background with so many details the foreground goes underground.
ConsultantSomeone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is then walks away with the watch.
ExpediteTo confound confusion with commotion.
CoordinatorThe person who has a desk between two expediters.
ConferenceA place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.
Give Us Your InterpretationI can't wait to hear this bullshit!
AssumptionsWe assume, the whole thing is doomed.
ActivateTo make copies and add more names to the memo.
Informed SourceThe person who told the person you just met.
Reliable SourceThe person you just met.
Unimpeachable SourceThe person who started the rumor originally.
Top PriorityIt may be idiotic, but the boss wants it.
PolicyWe can hide behind this.
Note and InitialLet's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
Advanced DesignBeyond the comprehension of the advertisement agency's copywriters.
ChannelsThe trail left by interoffice memos.
Confidential MemorandumNo time to photocopy for the whole office.
Close Project Co-OrdinationWe know whom to blame.
Forwarded for Your ConsiderationYou hold the bag for a while.
In ConferenceNobody can find him/her.
In Due CourseNever.
For your Information (FYI)I do not know what to do with this, so you keep it.
Let it be a challengeYou are stuck with it.
Let's Get Together on ThisI'm assuming you're as confused as I am.
NegotiateA meeting of mangers without knocking heads together.
Implement a programHire more people and expand the office.
See MeCome down to my office, I'm lonely.
ProgramAny assignment that cannot be completed by one telephone call.
It's ComplicatedWe have no clue how to do that.
It Is in ProcessSo wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
Give Us the Benefit of Your Present ThinkingWe'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already decided to do.
We are making a surveyWe need more time to think of an answer.
Give Someone the PictureTo make a long, confused, and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.
Will Advise in Due CourseIf we figure it out, we will let you know.
MeetingA mass meeting by the masterminds where nothing will be fully decided until the next meeting.
Under ConsiderationNever heard of it.
PasswordThat nonsensical series of characters which is scotch taped to the front of your terminal.
The milesstones have almost been reachedWe are light-years behind. God should be the project manager.
We Will Look into ItBy the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotten about it too.
Re-OrientationIt is Monday. Getting used to working again.