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The best Language & Communication Jokes

The Parrot — Airplane

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow." The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky, you twit."
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll slap you."
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards. Plunging downwards, the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you're a lippy bastard..."

The Sparrow, the Cow & the Cat

Once upon a time, there was a nonconformist sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

  1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
  2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
  3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

As It Is in Heaven

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up, and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out."

The couple waits for a couple of months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it dosn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?"

St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asks the couple, somewhat frightened by St. Peter's reaction.

"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here? Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer????

Humor in Second-Language Learning

There is a popular perception that learning a language is somewhat tedious for human beings. It could be easier for artificial intelligences, such as Data in Star Trek, which are typically portrayed in science fiction as having superior cognitive skills, but no sense of humor. However, the use of humor can, among other effects, significantly improve second-language learning for students.

In general, humor is likely to motivate the student to study with more fun (and as a result to learn more efficiently). Moreover, because humor frequently rests on cultural concepts such as social environment, taboos, stereotypes and so on, studying humor can lead to a deeper understanding of the target language. Finally, practice in the humorous forms of the target culture might allow a student to actively use humor in the same way a native speaker would, which increases the chances of genuine communication.



Inside every partygoer … »
Read the whole story in the archives of the "New Scientist" » Inside every partygoer