You have Two Cows ...

“You have two cows” is the opening sentence of a series of jokes about different political & economical systems. Their humor is based on the description of the respective system, by using the analogy of what would happen to the eponymous cows.

You have two Cows

Explain Economics & Politics: Better Than Any Class

Strategy of certain political & economical systems, politicians, governments and companies at a glance! Or: What to do with two cows?

FEUDALISM

You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM

You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM

You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

MILITARIANISM

You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY

The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY

You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your public-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM

You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them. FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM

You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non - specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE

Wow, dude, there's like ... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Disney Capitalism

You have two cows. They dance & sing.

Martha Stewart Capitalism

You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.

Ayn Rand Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm. After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.

Californian Capitalism

You have two cows. They are happy.

Talking about cow, another term comes to mind: The so called Holy Cows and their different meanings explained.